Comedy Project
The world's most exclusive dating platform. One perfect match, guaranteed.*
*Because there is literally only one person on here
100%
Match rate
1
Active user
0
Competitors
5
Quiz steps
4
Character refs
Dating apps have a discovery problem. Millions of profiles, infinite swiping, decision paralysis, and a matching algorithm that nobody trusts. What if you eliminated every variable? What if the pool had exactly one person in it?
DateMe is a fully functional dating platform with a 100% match rate, zero competitors, and one active user. The algorithm does not need to be sophisticated because there is only one possible outcome. You fill out a five-step quiz about your preferences, your ideal first date, and your interests. The system pretends to analyze your responses. Confetti fires. And your perfect match is revealed: the person who built the website.
The entire thing is a commitment to a bit. Fake testimonials from women who appreciate the "refreshingly honest" approach. A stats bar showing "100% success rate, 1 active match, 0 competitors." Character references from "His Mom" (100% biased), "Sasha the Dog" (good boy, verified), "His Best Friend" (obligated to be nice), and "The Pothos Plant" (thriving, somehow). A loading spinner at the bottom that says "Searching for other matches... (Spoiler: there aren't any)."
The joke is the product. The product is the joke. And the contact form actually works.
The project
The “algorithm”
Name and age
What matters most (humor, intelligence, kindness, ambition)
Perfect first date
Your interests
Preferred contact method
Character references
His Mom
100% biased
“My son is very handsome and smart. He's a doctor! Well, almost.”
Sasha the Dog
Good boy, verified
“WOOF WOOF BARK! He gives me treats and takes me on walks. 11/10 human.”
His Best Friend
Obligated to be nice
“He made me write this. But honestly, he's a solid dude. 9/10.”
The Pothos Plant
Thriving, somehow
“He actually remembers to water me. In a med student apartment, that's a miracle.”